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If both parties agree, other than that medical history and that is about it..... |
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It is not always a good idea. My daughter's biological father stabbed me and almost killed me. He
isn't in jail. She will never speak to him. My husband adopted her. She knows... And she knows what
her sperm donor did.. And who is her real dad. If he tried to get in touch w/ her. He'd go to jail..
That is as long as my husband didn't find him first |
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They have the right to medical histories and cultural and ethnic backgrounds. Not the right to
impose themselves on people that gave them up. But they want to look and the parent wants to be
found , fair enough. |
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I am adopted. I am a grown adult and do not know the first thing about my biological parents. I
have no interest in knowing anything. I am not bitter. I do not have any issue against them. I
simply feel that the parents who raised me are my real mother and father. Being a parent has little
to do with giving birth. Being a parent is being there to kiss boo boos, to tuck your child in, to
teach them right from wrong, to love them unconditionally and all of the many, many things parents
do on a daily basis, yet get no thank you for until their kids are grown are realize just how much
of a sacrifice their parents made to keep them happy, safe and secure. The choice of knowing one's
biological parents is a personal one. One cannot state that it is the right thing in all
circumstances. I lost my Daddy three years ago. I will never think of another as my Daddy, blood
or otherwise. I old enough that I should not call him Daddy. I, however, cannot bring myself to
call him anything but what I called him when he was still with me. I miss him every single day.
That brave, remarkable man loved me with all of his heart. He passed the day after my birthday. I
do not doubt for one minute that he held on so that he would spend my birthday with me. He also
found strength, and I honestly do not know how, to lift his arm and place it around me and pat me on
the back as I cried by his bedside. I did not want to let him go. It does not matter one bit to me
that I am not his biological daughter. What matters to me is that he showed me the same love I show
my children, who are my biological children. He never regarded me as adopted. He regarded me as
his child. I will always be his little girl.
To make it clear, children should always be told they are adopted from the time that they can
understand. To find out later, would look like it was hidden and something bad. If the child wants
to find their biological parents, there is nothing to stop them. To have a baby and know that you
are not able to care for that child must be very difficult. I cannot imagine giving up a baby for
adoption, but these are human beings and you cannot give up your rights as a parent, to come back
later and say you changed your mind. What does that do to the child? The child has already formed
a bond with the adoptive parents. The parents would go through living Hell. I can't imagine having
my children removed from me. I am sad when they go to their father's house for a visit. Not so sad
that I do not function, only sad in the fact that we do not have an intact family and that they have
to have two homes instead of one. It is a sadness for them. If he were to have some right to take
them from me, I would go out of my mind. I know my parents would have been devastated if that were
to have happened. Adoptive families live in enough fear that the child will be taken back. To make
it a right of the biological parents to change their mind after the fact, is cruel. It is worse
than cruel.
There are open adoptions. If a biological parent wishes to go down that route, they are able to
keep in touch with the child. I do not see how this is good for the child, but I am biased because
of my experience. I am thankful that I had a biological mother who gave me up to loving parents who
raised me and provided me with a secure and loving home. |
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28 Jan 2009 20:22
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