Its Often Better For The Children If Parents That Don't Love Each...

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Its Often Better For The Children If Parents That Don't Love Each Other Break Up Rather Than Stay Together

Children shouldnt be exposed to the hate and violence or used to hurt the other parent

WelshyRhi

01 Jul 2009 18:23

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Yes.

I divorced him after 15 years and, with very little help, as a single Mom, I raised a son and 2 daughters. They all told me that they were glad that I got the divorce so that they could relate to each parent as they wished without the interference of the verbal and hands on fighting they could hear from their rooms at night.

The youngest daughter was almost 4 and she has told me 'a thousand times' "THANKS, MOM FOR RAISING ME AS A SINGLE MOM.
I KNOW I AM MORE WELL ADJUSTED FOR ADULTHOD THAN THE OTHER TWO WHO GOT AFFECTED BY THE PROBLEMS BETWEEN YOU AND DAD."

Both parents and the 3 children received counseling at some time before the age of 40 but none turned to alcohol, drugs, crime, obesity, abuse of others, etc.

Single parenting is adequate and it is best when the other parent does his/her part in building relationships with the children and do not invoke pain on the other parent.

best4write

17 Mar 2010 06:12

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The parents could start to have fights and this could affect the childs behaviour or just generally make the child unhappy

Its the best thing for them,im parents have bin together 14 years and they are still happy si am happy=)

MissMurder

02 Jul 2009 11:39

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My parents broke up recently, for the reason that they didnt love each other anymore and were getting sick.
They didnt wanna make it any worse for me and my sister so they broke up. I cant say it didnt upset me but the atmosphere in the house was alot better, and my mam wasnt as stressed or worried. I still see both my parents and i love them both equally, so i'm happy. But thats just my experience.

Lynchee

02 Jul 2009 11:35

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Yes, but it is always better for children to see their parents work it out.

keepmindok

02 Jul 2009 08:11

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The studies show that children do better in homes when the parents stay together even if the don't "love" each other. The outcomes from broken marriages show the children to be more likely to be involved in drugs, alcohol, delinquency and criminal behavior, and generally have far more problems in life.

charlee

01 Jul 2009 19:01

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Charlee...I agree with you on some level, but where there is a potential for emotional or physical abuse, I think it is far better for the kids that a marriage end. No child wants to see or hear a parent hurt. If there is a lack of warmth, that is one thing and I think it probably is better for the kids to try to work things out. If, however, there are more serious problems and the children would be subjected to a totally disfuntional home life, it is likely better for them to have the parents divorce. Not all parents have the ability to coexist peacefully. Children need to see some form of a normal relationship in order to form their own later in life. Witnessing hostility and emotional abuse is not a healthy environment. To be honest, there are times that I wish my marriage had worked out, but if my daughters had to hear their father put me down their whole young life, I cannot imagine how that would influence their future relationships or how it would lend itself to allowing them to have respect for me or for their father. Maybe I am sensitive to the issue since I am divorced, but I know how much they were bothered by their father's negative comments about me even after we had been apart. His wife also contributed in talking badly about me out of jealousy. After two custody battles where both children wanted to be with me and I ended up keeping custody, their father does not even talk to them. It is a very sad situation, but the fact that he is not capable of sacrificing his comfort for his kids is telling of the kind of dad he is. I tried over and over to befriend him and his wife. Sometimes, things are not black and white and do not have an easy solution.

my2cents2u

01 Jul 2009 19:34

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Charlee...I agree with you on some level, but where there is a potential for emotional or physical abuse, I think it is far better for the kids that a marriage end.  No child wants to see or hear a parent hurt.  If there is a lack of warmth, that is one thing and I think it probably is better for the kids to try to work things out.  If, however, there are more serious problems and the children would be subjected to a totally disfuntional home life, it is likely better for them to have the parents divorce.  Not all parents have the ability to coexist peacefully.  Children need to see some form of a normal relationship in order to form their own later in life.  Witnessing hostility and emotional abuse is not a healthy environment.  To be honest, there are times that I wish my marriage had worked out, but if my daughters had to hear their father put me down their whole young life, I cannot imagine how that would influence their future relationships or how it would lend itself to allowing them to have respect for me or for their father.  Maybe I am sensitive to the issue since I am divorced, but I know how much they were bothered by their father's negative comments about me even after we had been apart.  His wife also contributed in talking badly about me out of jealousy.  After two custody battles where both children wanted to be with me and I ended up keeping custody, their father does not even talk to them.  It is a very sad situation, but the fact that he is not capable of sacrificing his comfort for his kids is telling of the kind of dad he is.  I tried over and over to befriend him and his wife.  Sometimes, things are not black and white and do not have an easy solution.

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Charlee...I agree with you on some level, but where there is a potential for emotional or physical abuse, I think it is far better for the kids that a marriage end.  No child wants to see or hear a parent hurt.  If there is a lack of warmth, that is one thing and I think it probably is better for the kids to try to work things out.  If, however, there are more serious problems and the children would be subjected to a totally disfuntional home life, it is likely better for them to have the parents divorce.  Not all parents have the ability to coexist peacefully.  Children need to see some form of a normal relationship in order to form their own later in life.  Witnessing hostility and emotional abuse is not a healthy environment.  To be honest, there are times that I wish my marriage had worked out, but if my daughters had to hear their father put me down their whole young life, I cannot imagine how that would influence their future relationships or how it would lend itself to allowing them to have respect for me or for their father.  Maybe I am sensitive to the issue since I am divorced, but I know how much they were bothered by their father's negative comments about me even after we had been apart.  His wife also contributed in talking badly about me out of jealousy.  After two custody battles where both children wanted to be with me and I ended up keeping custody, their father does not even talk to them.  It is a very sad situation, but the fact that he is not capable of sacrificing his comfort for his kids is telling of the kind of dad he is.  I tried over and over to befriend him and his wife.  Sometimes, things are not black and white and do not have an easy solution.

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Hey Lacey...I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that.  I think that some people are jealous because they don't have a lot of self esteem.  I never gave her any reason to be jealous and you are right, she IS married to him and I divorced him so I see no reason for jealousy.  I understand it though.  He and I have children together and that creates a bond.  Some people are threatened by that kind of thing.  I would never get involved with any married man and I don't have any romantic feelings for my ex so I am the last person in the world she would have any legitimate reason to be concerned about.  I think it's sad that people allow themselves to get so caught up in negative thoughts that they allow themselves to become bitter and angry.  She talked about me in an effort to turn the kids against me...in my opinion.  She and their father told them things that were lies, allowed them to be involved in things that should have been kept only between us as the adults and she used to undermine me when I disciplined my oldest daughter....she was never very interested in my youngest.  I think she knew she couldn't "buy" her.  I don't have to deal with it anymore.  Last summer we had a second custody battle and when I won, their father stopped talking to them and seeing them.  I don't hear from him or his wife at all.

I am very sorry that you have to deal with such adult problems as a kid.  Even though you are mature and you're nearly an adult, it's hard for kids not to have both parents and I hope you know that you should never blame yourself.  You have a right to have two parents who love and respect you.  You should never feel like you have done anything at all to deserve what happened with your dad.  I hope you know that already, but I wanted to mention it anyway.  I don't like it when adults don't act like adults and the children suffer.  What's worse is that the kids often blame themselves on some level, but it is never a child's fault.  No matter what my girls do or don't do, my love for them will never change.  It is unconditional and that is the way parents should love their children.  They also need to let them know that they love them that way.  I'm sure your dad loves you very much.  Some people are just not so good at showing their love.

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