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| It Is A Barbaric Practice For Married Women To Adopt Their Husbands' Last Names. |
| At the height of the women’s liberation movement, women began to stop adopting their husbands’ last names when they married. Now that trend is reversing. Your name is your identity, and its an insult to your family when you abandon. It is a detriment professionally to suddenly change your name, and an administrative nightmare to switch back to your maiden name if you divorce. While some young brides may think they are honoring (and obeying) their husbands by taking on their names, a man secure in his masculinity and who's seeking equality in marriage would discourage the practice. |
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It does seem shifty, somehow. And it does make it much harder to track down a woman. I'm
constantly trying to remember what name my old girl friends are currently assuming or changing.
The topic came up in a senior-level class I taught. Two obvious identical twins, same last name but
one was hyphenated. The other was getting married soon and also would add a hyphen. Keeping up the
banter as we continued introductions, it turned out that every single woman in class was operating
under an alias -- they were using a different name than the one on the roster, or were planning to
change their name shortly.
"What are you suggesting?" a student asked. "Do you think we shouldn't change our names, or should
we hyphenate or what?"
"I don't care," I said. "It's an odd custom. Do what you want."
"You see," she said, "My last name is Weade, and I'm marrying a man with the last name of
Whacker..."
"Stop right there," I said. "Class vote. In this situation, I think that she simply has to
hyphenate her last name. Mrs. Weade-Whacker. You can't turn that down."
Different countries have different customs. In Spain, they use both of their surnames. In other
countries, they maintain the name from the most prominent family, even if it is the woman's.
A friend of mine researched this topic in law school. There are no legal regulations, so court
cases turn to custom, which typically winds up favoring the person with the most power and money.
Men have demanded that ex-wives either keep their last name or demanded they drop it. A famous
suffragette was ordered by the courts to assume her husband's last name, even though she was a known
author under her maiden name and he was totally okay with her keeping it. |
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 Lynn  12 Dec 2008 06:29
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I have often considered this, I feel that the best way to celebrate a union between two lives is not
to use one name to dominate another. Though I do recognize that marriage has a definite connection
to Christianity in the values and traditions of Americans. I feel that the best solution to this
problem is to create a hyphenated name for both lovebirds, that way no is betraying anyone, rather
the two people are acknowledging their union in an equally balanced way. I see this as the perfect
solution to appease the need to keep marriage sacred, women's libs , and as an added perk, when
looking up old friends it would be a lot easier. I feel this solution does not demoralize anyone and
flaunts the union between a man and a woman. |
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 hmd 10 Mar 2008 20:55
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While I wouldn't call it barbaric, I do agree with what you're saying. Some would say it's up to
the women - which is true - but I think women today are still very much "trained" for marriage and
feel as though their life isn't fulfilled until this goal is met.
If a woman can give a good reason to change her last name that doesn't involve societal influences,
then she should be able to do that. I'm glad to see that in America it is becoming a more common
occurrence for a wife to keep her name. In Germany, however, it wasn't that long ago (in the 90's I
think) that it was even an option for a woman to have a last name other than her husband's. |
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I guess growing up a female I never got attached to my maiden name. If you want to change it, change
it.. If not then don't. I changed mine...it's easier, especially when you have children. I like
having the same name for the whole family. It is a choice, as it should be. |
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It depends on the motivations. My wife said she wanted to take my name. I never would have asked but
I was honoured. Then we never got around to it. |
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Um yeah, it's totally not barbaric. Nowadays we can choose...Heck, if I ever decide to marry and my
potential husband has an awesome last name, then I'll take it. If it's just as cool as mine, then
I'll combine it with mine to make an awesome last name. And if it just isn't cool at all I'll keep
mine. [= |
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So what name should any children have ? The milkman's? |
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I think that if a woman really does actually love a man, she will WANT his name to be her name
too.....if there is any actual BOND there, that is.
If it's just for awhile type of thing? No. No reason to change anything, or make it look more
permanent than it really is.
It all depends on your feeling for him. And his for you, right back.
A last name is a Family-Name. It is for FAMILIES.
Not for Playthings. |
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It is not barbaric, more traditional. It has always been the custom and it has only occurred
occasional when the wife wants their own name. It is not a case of them automatically taking the
name, but is their own choice. They can actually adopt both names. |
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Taking the name of your husband creates more of a feeling of unity between the two of you, which
encourages working things out together rather than just calling it quits over the littlest thing,
which is becoming way too common these days. |
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If I met a girl that wouldn't take my name I'd take hers. It's about being considered a single unit.
It's not about succumbing to the male figure. |
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No. Women should have whatever they want as their own last name. I think it is an individual choice. |
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On my side of the planet, women do this because it gives them a whole new line of credit (new name
and all), so in a way it sounds like they're liberating themselves all over again-- from bad credit. |
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What's in a name? Personally, I was happy to take my husband's name when we married. It started
another chapter in our lives & indirectly created a stronger connection between us.
And, changing a last name can be a relief to a woman. Imagine your name is Starry Knight...you
wouldn't get razzed about your unusual name any more. (I actually speak from experience...kids are
cruel!)
It seems to me that to get all worked up about the possibility of losing who you are because you
took your husband's last name is very similar to having to split the housework 50/50%...not 52/48 or
any other combination....50/50 period. Or to put it another way, it's like splitting a can of
chicken noodle soup between the two of you & having to count out the noodles to be sure you both got
exactly the same amount.
Maybe I'm showing my age, but many years ago, a new wife would drop her middle name; her maiden name
would become her middle name & her husband's name would be her new last name. This was dictated by
the social mores of the time. Obviously, much has changed since then!
I agree with the geneological challenges presented as described by donphilipe.
What's tougher for me to figure out is if a mother has 5 kids by 5 different men & each of them has
their dad's last name, how on earth is anyone supposed to trace them to a particular family
(genealogically speaking, of course). That's another topic for another time! |
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Marriage is an institution wherein most of the liabilities are kept on the shoulders of a woman.
They leave their niche and start adapting to a completely new surrounding for the sake of marital
responsibilities. So what is the big deal in changing her last name after marriage? However we have
to accept that in this male dominated industry, it has been a tradition to change the maiden name.
Moreover there are legal and social hassles if the woman is not changing the name. For an example it
becomes a problem to decide the nominee of husband’s property and other assets if they two bear
separate surnames. Another issue arises when their children face identity crisis and also the same
problem persists while getting them admitted in schools. Hence instead of being liberal about names
we should look after other severe issues hazarding women of this society. |
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So you are saying that if a woman takes her husbands last name then their is no equality in that
marriage. Most women do this because they want to become a part of his family. When my cousin got
married she and her husband joined their last names. Some women decide to add her husbands name to
hers. I do know that in Korea , now don't quote me on this, women keep their names but their
children take their fathers last name. |
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If you had only worded it differently, 'barbaric' is a stupid reference.. Could I suggest that
'unnecessary' would have been more appropriate.
In saying that I will be marrying this year and will be taking my wife's name . She doesn't want to
change, I don't mind and I think keeping a family name for the kids is relevant..
And there is something about that I like .. |
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Barbaric is a very strong word. Personally, I am proud to have my husbands last name (obviously).
Also, my children and have one last name. It's not a sign of dominance, it's a sign of unity. It
means your a clan, your a family. Taking your husbands last name makes you no less of a woman. Don't
be so insecure. Flourish in the sign that you are a married woman, loved and coveted. |
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Barbaric. Wow, I think that term should perhaps be reserved for slightly more horrific practices.
One name has to be chosen, you cannot have double barrelled names as that is impractical, MacKenzie
has explained why below. Traditionally the woman takes the man's name. The only other solution is
for the man to take the woman's name but that is no different just changing the rules for the sake
of it. Why the hell shouldn't a woman make that small sacrifice if she loves the man she is
marrying, there is no good reason to change it. Your name is not your identity, you are your
identity, surely people are not that shallow. |
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The purpose of a marriage generally is to produce offspring. What name will the children bear? A
goofy double-barrelled amalgam of both names? This happens quite a bit in England but most people
judge it pretentious and silly-sounding. In any case, it becomes impractical after the practice
becomes widespread and is in use for a few generations. Then you will get guys with double-barrelled
names marrying girls with double-barrelled names. So what do you do? Go up to quadruple barrels? How
high do you go?
If the children will bear the name of the male, it seems reasonable that the female should too,
subsuming her identity within that of her new family.
But if there is a widespread desire among women to retain their maiden name even after marriage, of
course it should be permitted. I haven't seen any signs of such a desire, however. Nor I have seen
signs of any resistance to it among males. I doubt most men would care. |
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Of course it is not a barbaric practice for married women to adopt their husband's family name. It
is up to every wife to decide if she would like to change her maiden name and use her husband's
instead. Nobody should be forced to do so, but government officials must also not interfere if women
choose this route. The problem is that in some countries--including in a handful of Canadian
provinces--it is no longer possible for a wife to legally change her maiden name, primarily because
feminist groups in the late 1970s and early 1980s saw this practice as anachronistic. Yet today,
many women would like to do just this, often in order to share the same name as their children. Yet
on all official communication and photo ID, the government only uses one's maiden name.
Married women are mature enough to choose what they wish to be called. It is not up to government or
anyone to decide whether or not they should take up their husband's family name. |
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I wouldn't say it's barbaric, but it does perpetuate some very out-dated ideas.
The history of a woman taking a man's name in the Western world is left over from the idea that a
man actually is planting "his seed" in a woman when they make love. And so she then gives him his
child. This is also where ideas about "family lines" come from.
To me where this system really breaks down is in the practice of genealogy. It's easy enough to find
male progenitors in historical documents because at least you have a last name to go on. But this is
not the case with women. And for this reason, women are much more difficult to track through
historical documents. And women definitely have as much right to matter in history as men do.
What is needed is a way for both "family lines" to be represented in a last name. People have tried
to hyphenate last names of course. But hyphenated last names get cumbersome. And they also raise the
obvious question: What happens when two people with hyphenated last names get married? Do their
children hyphenate their already-hyphenated last names? Mr johnson-Nelson and Mrs. Anderson-Kelly
have a kid... Do you really want that child to be named Jane johnson-nelson-anderson-kelly? It gets
cumbersome. And with each generation it gets exponentially annoying. |
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It's not mandatory for a woman to take her husband's last name, so women are choosing to do this. I
did it because my husband and I walk through life as one. Sharing either the man's or the woman's
last name, or sharing none, has no bearing on each partner being free to think or to have choices. |
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Juliet:
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2) |
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