If Your Partner Cheated On You, Which Would Upset You More: If You Thought The Other Person Was More Attractive Or Less Attractive Than You
Use a "For" response if it would upset you more if you considered the person your partner had sexual relations with was better-looking than you, more successful, or more famous than you. Use an "Against" response if it would bother you more if they had been with a trampy toad as compared to a good-looking celebrity. Do you think the average reaction would differ between men and women?
I think a woman would be far more hurt if she discovered the woman who her partner had cheated on
her with was more attractive than her. I don't think you could apply this to a man.
I've experienced this situation and my feeling is not about the looks but more about the emotional
connection involved. To look at a person for how they look, and what they have is shallow. But to
look at the inner person and be connected them is more scary than anything on the outer aspect.
So you're saying it would be less devastating for your beau to dump you for a shallow, beautiful woman than for a gal with average looks whom you suspect has a deep soul? Or by being "connected"do you mean you've been traded in for a similar version of yourself?
I tell my partner to be very secretive if she decides to cheat. I tell her I don't want to know if
she cheats,with whom and for what reasons. Because I'm not going to divorce her for it anyways.
So let me live in Peace and don't mess up the sanctity of my Household with such horrific
confessions of your dirty deeds.
Keep it to yourself.
That is one of those "Truths" I want withheld from me. It is her burden (or secret pleasure) to live
with and die with. To tell me would be more damaging and I don't want to know how enraged I'll be
and what Id do.
I just believe Sex is overrated and Cheating is not a good enough reason to divorce. If I divorce it
will be because I don't love her any more.
But to answer your question I would be more upset if they were UGLY. It would imply to me that this
was much more than just a one time caught up in the moment sex.
A one-time indiscretion based on circumstances (and often alcohol) has far fewer implications about the strength of your relationship than an extended affair. So you rpoint is well-made: a surge of sexual desire should be engendered by someone sexy.
Your earlier comments reflect a different topic, and a debate I've engaged in often. I agree with you -- it is selfish for faithless spouses to relieve their feelings of guilt and remorse by placing the burden on the innocent party. It forces the committed partner into a critical decision, and few of the options are positive.
I would be more concerned about the type of relationship that has formed between them. Was this a
one night stand? Is there any emotional attachment, if so, then my relationship with him is in
danger.
It would not matter who the other person was. Good looking or not(although I doubt she could find
someone better looking..lol) I guess it might bother me a little more if the other person was a dirt
bag with low IQ. But in the end the result would be the same. A bullet in each of their heads. I put
up with that one time and I'll never go through that again.
If my Loved One cheated on me, I would be heart-broken.
I love and trust and respect him.
Our relationship is just the two of us: It is not about another.
I think I would rather the person was better looking than me. It would imply to me that my partner
was shallow enough to care that much about looks in which case I would be better off with out them.
If the person was uglier than I then that would imply they were a better person than I which would
be much harder to reconcile.
I would tend to think different answers would split more in terms of on what basis people place
their own personal value, looks or personality. Now whether that difference would be weighted to one
sex or the other is a different topic but certainly both sides are well represented in both sexes.
A couple of men have told me that they would prefer the guy to be less attractive -- one said b/c when he dumped her he could sneer, another said that it made him feel unattractive. Most women say they are highly insulted by their man sleeping with an unattractive woman.
That's a fun question. I guess I'd be more offended if they were less attractive because I would
feel (whether right or wrong) that other qualities made them more desirable than me (personality,
money, etc.) and that actually hurts more to me than she was tempted by a Chippendale male stripper.
Good point. Men are more likely to base self-esteem on success, and women on their looks. But it sounds like what you're saying is that causes you to question her devotion during your entire relationship, and to question how you failed to make her happy.
17 Aug 2008 02:23
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