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You see, it says "YOU" So, it's everyone besides me's fault. |
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I've made a couple of comments, so I suppose everyone knows where I stand on this. If one is having
difficulties in a relationship, it is more than likely the fault of both parties. It could also be
that you are unwilling to accept that you are not perfect, hence you are responsible for the
problems in the relationship. Of course, there are relationships where one is being abused and it
is not their fault. The only fault they have in that regard is staying and allowing abuse to
continue, though that is not something that some people are able to escape I suppose. The point is,
relationships are complex. One cannot state that it is any single one person's fault when a
relationship is not going well. If anything, I would say that if people were happier with
themselves and not in a hurry to be with someone just for the sake of having someone in their life,
they would be more selective and find the person who is right for their life. In doing so, this
debate would only draw a select few insecure people because others would be busy with the healthy
relationships that they formed after they spent time working on themselves and determining what they
want in a partner. The term relationship can extend to other than a romantic relationship, so in
that case, there are times that we have to work on things to keep our relationships happy and
secure. I am a mother. I have to work on myself all of the time as my children grow. What made
them happy with me as toddlers is different than what they need to feel happy and secure now. I am
also a daughter, sister and friend. I work on those relationships as well, but I work on them from
within myself. As far as friendships are concerned, I do not maintain friendships if they become
unbalanced. I am good to my friends and am therefor them when they need me. If I do not get the
same in return, or if a friend makes me feel badly about myself, puts down my family another friend,
is cruel or mean to others, I rethink the friendship. A toxic friendship isn't a relationship I am
willing to stay in. The bottom line is this. Aside from family, and some of us do disown or stop
speaking to family, I am not able to do that, nor have I had the need, relationships are meant to
enrich our lives. We must be happy with ourselves and able to take responsibility for our actions.
We cannot surmise that every roadblock in any relationship is the fault of the other person. If we
find a relationship is unhealthy, instead of casting blame, feeling pity for ourselves and asking
others to validate that feeling, we should pull ourselves up, realize we are worth more and move on.
First examine what your expectations are and make sure they are realistic. Make sure you are
mature enough to accept your flaws and work on them. After that, realize you deserve to be happy
and go after that happiness. |
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Stop trying to find the right person, spend some time trying to be the right person. Which is pretty
much the short glib version of what innomen said below. |
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Based on what has already been said, were dieing to know. |
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Pushing the blame for all our problems on someone else is only a way to make us feel better about
our stupid actions. I would love just once to see someone on a talk show say "well mom was great
dad was great I'm just a sh*t head" |
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It requires two to maintain a relationship and two to destroy. The problem shouldn't be blamed on
your lover instead work from your side to improve the relationship. For example have you been
faithful, supportive, encouraging, a good friend, someone worth trusting. Don't be quick to point
out your partners flaws- work on your own first. |
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 Vlad  24 May 2008 23:16
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Two of the best pieces of advice i was ever given:
1. I am responsible for my happiness.
2. It is a completely unreasonable expectation that someone else will change as you want them to
change.
3 things that i have learned that have helped me the most:
1. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
2. Don't be afraid to say i am wrong.
3. Don't be afraid to say i am sorry.
Go into a relationship with these and your side of the street should stay clean. Oh also, don't
expect forgiveness if you have no capacity for it yourself. |
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